Having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) And Trust Issues In Marriage? Know What Expert Wants To Say

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Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that arises from encountering or  observing exceptionally distressing or frightening events. Individuals with PTSD may experience  symptoms including vivid flashbacks of the event, disruptive nightmares, intense anxiety, and  persistent, unsettling thoughts along with noticeable changes in physical and emotional reactions  about the traumatic experience that causes heightened emotional arousal. These symptoms can last  more than one month and cause major problems in personal, social, work and interpersonal  situations.

Individuals with PTSD can manifest a range of behaviors that profoundly affect their relationships.  They often experience emotional detachment, leading them to disconnect from their partners and  diminishing the intimacy and connection within the relationship. This detachment is frequently  accompanied by emotional numbness, which makes meaningful engagement with their partner  challenging. 

Additionally, they may express their distress through anger and irritability, using these  emotions to push their partners away and creating a toxic environment that erodes intimacy.  Sometimes, PTSD can lead to aggressive behavior, both verbal and physical, negatively impacting  the relationship with a question of safety of all involved. The intense experience of trauma makes  the survivor to engage in avoidance behavior in perceived stressful situations, sleep disturbances,  including heightened alertness to sounds or frequent nightmares. This can further cause relational  stress. Additionally, they may turn to addictive behaviors, such as workaholism, as a means of  avoiding or distracting themselves from their trauma, causing strain on their relationships. 

People with complex PTSD often struggle with trust issues due to past betrayals from those they  were closest to in different forms of abuse – emotional, physical and sexual- that is unhealed, often  develop trust issues. These betrayals undermine their ability to feel safe and secure in relationships,  making it hard to trust both themselves and others. Unresolved trauma often leads to two prevalent  fears in relationships: fear of abandonment and fear of inadequacy. 

Fear of abandonment can cause  individuals to become excessively anxious and clingy, an increased need for nurturance and care, while  fear of inadequacy may result in them withdrawing and avoiding closeness. These patterns can  become disruptive, creating ongoing cycles of distress and instability in marriage. Trauma can leave  survivors feeling powerless, with low self-esteem and a negative self-image, leading them to  believe that others will take advantage of them, that they will be abused, they will be abandoned or  that they must always be in control of the situation with the best interest of protecting themselves. It’s  an automatic response their mind and body resorts to whenever they sense danger or potential harm of any kind. 

When someone who was trusted, such as a family member, friend, or romantic partner,  has betrayed them, it deeply affects their ability to trust. This experience can make them view others  as potential threats and adopt a more negative perspective on the world. In relationships, this often  results in heightened suspicion and reactivity. They may fear that their partner has harmful  intentions or is being dishonest, which complicates trust and intimacy in the relationship. 

Emotional  wounds take time to manifest and unresolved trauma can significantly affect a marriage over time,  leading to issues such as poor marital adjustment, strained communication, and persistent trust  problems. It can disrupt the overall functioning of the family and impact the mental health of both  partners resulting in severe consequences including divorce, parenting challenges, increased family  conflict, and sexual/ emotional difficulties. 

Overcoming PTSD involves a multifaceted approach that combines professional treatment, self care, and support. Some pointers to keep in mind as shared by Gautami Devi Chetri, Clinical Psychologist at Lissun:

• Engage with a mental health professional to share your difficulties and intense emotional  experiences as you don’t have to deal it alone. For some, medication prescribed by a psychiatrist  can help manage symptoms like anxiety, depression, or insomnia that significantly helps in the  reduction of symptoms. 

• Discuss your experiences, fears, and needs openly with your partner. Honest and clear  communication will be helpful in fostering understanding and support in your relationship. It is very  important to recognise and reinforce positive interactions and moments of trust and connection with  your partner. 

• Try to define and communicate what makes you feel safe and respected as maintaining these  boundaries will help to create a secure environment for yourself and reduce anxiety. Additionally, it  is important to learn and practice coping strategies such as mindfulness, relaxation exercises, deep  breathing, or grounding techniques to manage stress and the triggers. 

• Practice Self-Compassion and remember to be too kind to yourself and recognize that healing takes  time. Allow yourself to experience emotions without judgment and practice self-care regularly. 

• Connect with supportive friends, family, or support groups. Sharing experiences with others who  understand can provide comfort and encouragement.